KIRK VS. PICARD
WHO IS THE BETTER CAPTAIN?

 
  1. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
  2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
  3. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
  4. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
  5. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon - easily.
  6. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
  7. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
  8. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
  9. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
  10. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender - until they met Kirk.
  11. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
  12. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
  13. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
  14. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
  15. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
  16. One Word: Fisticuffs.
  17. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
  18. Kirk rarely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
  19. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
  20. Kirk knows how to deal with peace-loving hippy goofs.
  21. Kirk has a cool phaser - not some pansy Braun mix-master.
  22. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk probably dozens.
  23. Picard never dated Joan Collins.
  24. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
  25. If something doesn't speak English - it's toast.
  26. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
  27. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
  28. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
  29. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
  30. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
  31. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
  32. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
  33. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
  34. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
  35. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
  36. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
  37. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
  38. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
  39. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
  40. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher - and damn the consequences!!
  41. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
  42. One Word: Hair.
8 MORE REASONS!
  1. Kirk could whip Picard (or probably anyone) in a game of Fizzbin.
  2. No self-respecting brain would bet his hard-earned quatloos on Picard as a gladiator.
  3. Did Picard ever save the whales? Huh?
  4. Kirk can talk any computer into blowing itself up.
  5. Picard never had to fight his own double. Kirk did it all the time.
  6. Picard used the holodeck to pretend to be a detective. Kirk would use it for babes, babes, babes.
  7. Although they both had engineers with funny accents, Kirk's had better lines ("You canna' change the laws of physics, Captain!").
  8. "Tiberius" is a much cooler middle name than "Luc".
AND THE pICARD CAMP RESPONSE:
  1. Picard is bald, this makes him more aerodynamic, causing warp to occur faster.
  2. Picard speaks in long, eloquent sentences, not short, choppy ones.
  3. Picard has been a Borg (that alone should be reason enough).
  4. Picard has a robot.
  5. Kirk never had to face a "Q".
  6. After they stopped making The Next Generation, Picard didn't host Rescue 911.
  7. When Picard wants a mind read, he has Troi do it. He doesn't need for his 1st officer to touch the person's head.
  8. Picard spends more time working on the mission than on the women involved in the episodes.
    9. In the last episode of The Next Generation, it was revealed that Picard had married Doctor Crusher and then divorced her. This would have been kind of messy with Kirk and McCoy....    BACK TO MAIN PAGE